So at this very moment it is my workplace causing me the most anxiety, yesterday I achieved my mission and I didn’t have another attack at work!
I need this job, I need the money, I can’t let any negative thoughts or feelings stop me from going to work, I’ll only end up in a worse situation when I can’t pay my bills. As I got ready for work this morning I listened to some motivational speeches, they are always so full of empowering words and today what stood out for me was the sentence “failure is not an option” . I’ve heard this before but only know has it actually clicked on my head. At present, my focus is just to get through each day, day by day, without feeling low, without having an attack. The goal is to have a good day, a happy day. This morning I realised that I have to take away failure as an option, if the option doesn’t exist it can’t happen. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the day is going to be easier, or that all of a sudden my days are just going to be great, but it does mean that I remove the option to give up. If I have a day where something happens that I didn’t want to happen, that I didn’t plan as part of my happy day, it doesn’t mean that I have failed, it means that I must try harder to find the positives in that day, and not go to bed at night feeling like it was a total write off.
I came into work this morning and the first thing I did was stick three photos of my beautiful little boy around my computer screen. This is to remind me of what good I do have, even in the toughest of moments. Every time I feel myself slipping back into that moment where I feel like the world is against me, like I’m not worthy of love, like I’m not worthy of anything, I can look at his cheeky smile. With that I am reminded that I created him, I have made him who he is today, that’s my achievement and it’s the greatest achievement I have ever had. And be reminded that I give and receive the greatest form of love every single day, it doesn’t matter who else wants me, he needs me, every single day.
Those pictures are there to help me find my motivation to keep on going. We all must find the one thing, that gives us the strength to push on through when we feel too much pain to go on anymore. We cannot give up on ourselves, we cannot fail on our own goals, failure is not an option. Success takes hard work, we must work hard, not for anyone else, but for ourselves. You have the power to do anything you set your mind to, and setting your mind is the key.
Until next time.