I recently made myself a checklist to follow each day to fight my anxiety and try to live my days without suffering.
I just conquered two points in one scenario and I feel great!! I have touched on how I do not value myself and have no self confidence. This has caused me no end of insecurities in relationships, always feeling like other girls have way more to other than I do. There is a girl in my office that I have had an issue with for a long time. She was very jealous of my relationship with my ex and she made that very known to me. Instead of taking that in my stride and feeling good that I had what others wanted I let it eat me up inside, I hated her and everytime I saw her my anxiety flared up. Heart racing,hands shaking, blood boiling, day ruined.
Today I had an issue with one of my systems and had to use a manager’s computer to complete a task, right by her desk. At first thought of going over there to do it I started getting the sinking feeling in my tummy and I wanted to look for an excuse not to. But I didn’t. A daily goal is to face a fear, being anywhere near her was my fear and I did it. I walked over with my head held high and I did what I needed to do. I even had a conversation with someone and managed to smile, I didn’t hide away. I can do it, if I tell myself to, if I want it enough. How great is that?!
Which brings me to my second point, whilst there I could hear her conversation with her manager. They were laughing and joking about her being a ‘pikey’ and talking about Snapchat, oh I hate that app. Immediately I feared they were making indirect digs at me, joking about her stealing my boyfriend and talking about her sending him indecent things on Snapchat. Something I always suspected was going on. Maybe I was right, but hey maybe I was not and why should I choose to beat myself up and feel down about something that may or may not be true. Even if it was true, still I shouldn’t let it get to me, cause I deserve better than that and now I’m choosing to believe it. I fought a cognitive distortion, overthinking, jumping to conclusions. I stopped it, with my own brain, who knew I could do that?
I am so impressed and so happy with myself. 😊
If I can do it so can you!
Until next time.